I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
