Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
