You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
