She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
