When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
