Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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