he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
