i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
