'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
