i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
