screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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