I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
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Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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