My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
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Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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