I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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