You're my little dorito
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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