the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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