She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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