just come out here and I will go home with you...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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