I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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