One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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