He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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