In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
