If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
