32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
