I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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