they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
