I accidentally burped into my bong.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's just like the Real World with babies
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
