Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
