She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
