That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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