You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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