At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
