i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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