she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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