At least make sure they are 18
Why
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
