i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
