Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
