Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
