It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
