Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Houston, we have a squirter
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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