Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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