cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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