i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
