I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
