i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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