Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
