New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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