Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I stole a fireplace last night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
