There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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