I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
