Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
