Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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