Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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