you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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