Acid is not a monday night drug
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
