9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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