The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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