watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
