We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
