FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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