Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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