Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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