If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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