I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
