I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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