After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
