I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
