Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
