You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
