She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
