I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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