i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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